Things to do:

-Keep up on homework

-Keep positive

-Give my heart to someone who actually cares

-Lose 17 lbs by March 20th

-Make the Lord come first

-Accomplish something no one ever thought i would or could do


-Be Proud of Me.


Mysterious Ways

Let's be honest. This week was not the best for me. AT ALL.
Let us start off with the fact that everything i thought i knew about someone was flushed down the drain. the worst part is that i am left here to cope with this alone. i can't contact him, i can't scream at him, i can't even write my feelings to him because it would be a "distraction". note to any missionaries: please do NOT hide ANYTHING from the people that know the most about you, cuz when they find out you can kiss any security you have had in the past goodbye.

Secondly, i got super sick. for some reason it was time for me to break down to the lowest levels my body could handle. i got really bad headaches and chills and fever. then it turned into neck cramping so severe that i couldn't even move my neck, and then to a super sore throat with "nasty virus lymphnodes" as my doctor later informed me. all in all, i sat on my couch for 3 days straight icing and heating and icing and heating. Today is Monday and i am feeling 10000% better. but now for the part that i really wanted to share with you.

My good friend Matt Relei is one of the nicest boys I know. he is from northern california and is on the football team here at the Y. (Yeah, remember Relei R-E-L-E-I, cuz it'll be a big name soon i'm sure)everytime i see him he's got a hug and a huge smile to share with me. Friday night i was sitting on the couch icing my neck when a heard a snowball hit my window. i hobbled over to see matt sitting there smiling at me. i told him to come upstairs and we just talked and laughed for a while. it was really nice to have company and feel like someone really cares.

After Matt left this boy from my english class named Chris came over. Chris is an RM from Washington. We really hit it off in our class because there are a record low 11 people in my class, we've been hanging out for a while and when he heard that i was sick he rushed over. i have never been so attended to in my life. he would change my ice for me, help me situate, anything. I've never felt so much really compassion from someone except for my mom of course. He really cares, and it's really sweet.

Also we had a cleaning check this night and i was in no shape to get down and clean and so my angel of a roommate did some of my cleaning for me. she truly is heaven-sent. i love you.

Saturday started out fine until about 2 o clock when my neck froze up again. i took a nap and was fine and went out with lyndsie. when we got back my throat was killing, i was feeling really needy and just sad. i sat in my room and cried for a good long while until i did the absolute last thing i could think of, i called Nick and Andrew and had them give me a blessing. Boys here at BYU are insanely great. i texted nick at 11:24 and they were here by 11:33. they were so willing to help out, even if i did kinda freak them out by crying and stuff, but they gave me a blessing and i really did feel better. The preisthood helps. it is REAL.

My loving mother has been keeping tabs on me every step of the way the whole time i've been sick so sunday morning when i said i needed to go to the doctor, she was on it. She made me an appointment, got me all set up and tucked me in for some good old fashioned home loving. my mom is so good at being a mom. she knows what to say, what to do and how to stay calm. i only wish i could be half the lady she is. i love you.

Today was a much better day. I didn't hardly have any pain from the sickness, i got up on time, started to eat healthy and worked out. Just when i actually thought that the blessings could cease, they didnt:

Lynds and i were watching TV when we got doorbell-ditched by a young man, luckily we saw him running away so i could thank him, but it was matt. He left these on my doorstep, with star bursts attached. they say "You Burst my Star, If i had a starburst for every person as nice as you i would only have 1, because you are that one!"
The Lord works in mysterious ways world. make sure you thank him for them.



Well, here I go again. i have kind of decided to make this my journal because it is so much easier to type things up instead of write them, and i figure that they won't get lost or jumbled here so might as well write it all down!
Today was a good day, i worked from 8-1 and then had english from 1-2. there is this really nice guy named chris in my class and i'm excited to get to know him better. he has a PERFECT smile which is a big plus, so he's not bad to look at, but i'm just excited to make a friend! After we got out of english lyndsie and i went out to good ol taco amigo in orem for lunch. it's good to have a little familiarity once in a while. After that i hung out with sky, kayloni, ash and kaylee and we just laughed and laughed as always. i'm so lucky to have such great friends. they keep me looking up when i'm down
Today hasn't been NEARLY as hard with the sadness stuff, i got a ton of my crying out yesterday so i'm hoping i'm on the upward climb. i heard from his family that he sent them an email on wednesday so that means he's at least alive which is a HUGE relief. i'm really excited to get my first letter and hear all about what he's doing and how he's feeling. i really miss him and his laugh and crazy sense of humor. you really don't realize how much you love someone until they are REALLY gone. but it's all for good in the end. well, happy 3 day weekend. toodles.



I'M SO SICK OF BEING SAD!!!!!!!!!!! that's all.


7 days

Well, it's officially been 7 days since he's been gone.

7 days that have felt like a month.

7 days where i haven't gone one without crying. Not to anyone but myself.

7 days where all i've wanted to do is fly out to england and live 2 years there with him.

7 days that i wish would not have to happen but NEED to.

7 days that made me realize how much he truly truly means to me.

7 days that have made me think about all the faces and outward appearances and emotions i've put on to try and make everyone think that i wasn't completely head-over-heels for him again.

7 days that feel like a lifetime....and i still have 2 years of this lifetime to go. ugh.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

7 days that have turned me into the sappy girl i never thought i'd be, who writes down her feelings to the outside world for who knows to read. yikes. i've got a LONG way to go.