thoughtful

i have been in a very contemplative and reflective mood as of late, and i thought i ought to share the things that i am realizing i am SO grateful for thanks to this time i've spent thinking:

1. My roommates. Two words: "Despicable me" :)

2. My parents. they ALWAYS support me

3. Ashley. we always have good laughs together, and she always says the right thing.

i love you helg.

4. Miss pg. again, it's so weird that i'm thankful for something that would seem so fake, but really, it's changing my life.

5. a missionary. even though we may not be anywhere near to where i thought we could be, i still am so thankful for his example and he keeps me striving to be better.

6. Matt, Nick and Andrew. These boys are my best friends and i love just being able to go over to their apartment and talk about everything and anything with them. i love you guys.

7. sky. you're such a thoughtful person and focused on the right things. you're such an example to me.

8. my Heavenly Father. i'm so thankful for the church, and the strength i get from doing what's right.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. ~John Barrymore

Trial

Yes. i know that my blog says trial all over it. i designed this template all on my own, and then what happens? the program says "free trial". Who knew that they really meant i would get many free downloads of the word trial spanning my whole new, cute layout. not me. yay for trials. not.

Strange Realizations.

Today has been an interesting day.

I woke up, knew exactly what I wanted to wear, showered and got ready in record time, and then went off to work. I somehow missed the info that it was scheduled to rain and sleet and snow all day though, so of course, the cute outfit i had planned didn't have a hood, and i didn't have an umbrella. I walked a mile in the sleet to my class and back, making my hair a tangled, damp mess and taking all conviction right out of me.

After that depressing outing, i came home to my lovely apartment, made myself a pita and talked with my roomate. Hil and i get along so well it's a very nice breath of fresh air having her around. Anyways, our underneath neighbor Lyse asked if I would do an interview for her about Miss Pleasant Grove for her Communications class I think (Sorry Lyse, i don't really remember). She came up and we were just chit chatting about the process and the judging etc. Then we got into talking about the pageant, like REALLY talking about it and I got this overwhelming feeling of pride and peace. The feeling of knowing that this really is what i am supposed to be doing at this time. It seriously has been so good for me to be involved in this program. I have gotten back to the core of what I believe in and what I think is most important; something that i have put on the back burner for the longest time. I feel like i have learned SO much about myself from being able to grow in so many different aspects that have to do with this competition.

I know that it's weird to say that a scholarship pageant could have been sent my way by a loving Father in Heaven, but really, it totally was. I'm so excited to do this, and to have people be proud of my accomplishment. Just getting ready for the pageant is a task in itself, and i'm so excited to get to be involved in something that i really do feel passionate about and that i'm looking forward to working towards. Thanks to everyone who has even acted interested in this for me. it really means a lot to me.

The church is true.

Waiting....

This is what i feel like i'm doing right now.

-waiting for the pageant to come around

-waiting for my next paycheck

-waiting for a letter

-waiting for my body to start cooperating with my dieting again

just waiting. ugh.

Prom 2009. One of the best dates EVER.

Silly Crazy Boy.

:)

One of the absolute best nights of my life.

So little back then. so fun.

i miss tony so much it's ridiculous. like seriously. he haunts my dreams and my every move. i think of him probably every minute. anything anyone says reminds me of him. it's getting to the point where it's kind of unbearable, and i really can't stand it! Luckilly i have some really good friends and people behind me to keep my chin up, but when it gets dark is when the feelings really get out of control. i miss him terribly. i miss his immature jokes, i miss his belly laugh, i miss us being the same height and him insisting that he's so much taller. i miss teasing him. i miss him holding me. i miss sharing everything with him. i miss being able to talk to him about whatever whenever. i miss by best friend.

after i had that whole realization that maybe we won't get married like i've always thought we would, i thought it would get so much easier, but no. it almost got harder now that i'm leaning on him in so much of a different way now. it's only been 2 months. seriously, this is about the worst thing ever. go missions.

03.03.10

It's time to change how we think about those with disabilities in our community. This is my platform for Miss Pleasant Grove. We all need to watch what we say. :)

Miss P.G

On January 15, 2010 I made a decision that i NEVER would have thought i would make. i decided to participate in the Miss Pleasant Grove scholarship pageant.

In my life I have always had some sort of goal to work towards or something to keep me busy and i feel that here at my time at BYU i lost that sense to working for something. So, when my ex-vocal instructor suggested that i do miss pg, i dismissed it at first, but then thought about it some more and realized that it could be something fun to work towards! So, i signed the paper and started the process. Here's my team:

Nutritionist/personal trainer: Jessie Walters. She is my aunt that everyone in my family says that i look like. she is insane with health and working out and such. she has me on a workout diet and a cool workout schedule and i check in with her every week. 9 lbs down. :) it feels good to just know that she thinks i can do this.

Hostess/confidante: Angela Sanders. She was my high school drill coach and won miss PG when she was in college and helps me out with EVERYTHING. she's so amazing and i'm excited to get to go through this with her help.

Pageant Coach: Tewa Wride. Tewa is the queen of pageants. she is currently helping 10 different contestants get prepared for Miss Utah. She knows everything about interview and talent and presenting yourself well.

News and Info Coordinator: Geret Giles. My dad. he's always been so supportive of my drive and my goals and tries to help out in any way that he can. WE talk about things that are going on in the world to get me ready for my interview. I haven't been very good at communicating with him, but i will be. :)

Assistant extroidinaire: Kelley Giles. My mom. She has been there to support me every step of the way and keep my hopes up of actually doing this. I'm very excited to try something so out of my comfort zone...and hers. :)

I'll definitely keep you posted on the ins and out of the pageant life. toodles

February the 3rd

Today my mother said, in these exact words, "Honey! You're so mature!"

Yes. I am mature. Huzzah!!

Thats all.

teehee. :)

Missionaries

Well here we are again. Me doing stupid things and learning my lessons. After Tony left i figured out a few things about him that he wasn't very honest about and i was upset. When a best friend lies to you it hurts, but when the best friend is someone who you wanted to marry someday it hurts even worse. I had come to the conclusion that i was going to stop writing him, tell him he was a horrible person, and that i didn't want to associate with someone who treated me that way. Of course shortly after i learned that that wasn't the way to do things. a few days after i had my breakdown i recieved a letter from Elder Holman. I hadn't written him back from his last letter and I could tell that he was struggling. as i read his letter i just cried thinking about how selfish i was to think that i had a right to take my support away from him when he is trying something completely new and needs my help more now than ever. I may not be writing for love, but for friendship and i think his letter definitely helped me find that out. Just being supportive is everything he needs right now. Encouraging words, a few updates from home and my life, and a lot of prayer goin his way.

Don't give up on these guys. No matter what happens, they always need a little love from back home.