Freshman Freakout

Well here we are, October 21, 2009. And I am officaially SUCKING at college. I have failed 4/6 of the tests I have taken, I feel like I am gaining haneous amounts of weight, I am not sleeping, and I feel like I've betrayed someone I really care about. I wish I could just press pause and get things back to normal. I made stupid mistakes, but I don't wanna be held accountable for them anymore!! I don't know how to handle them. A bunch of my friends are leaving on their missions so I go to a farewell every week, so I miss my own ward. I feel like I don't know anyone besides my roommates and the boys that come over to flirt. Most of the time when I'm not in the mood to have them over. I don't know what to do. I feel like I cry around 3 times a day over stupid things, like someone looking at me weird!! The worst part of it all is that i know exactly what i need to do....i just don't have time!!! Ugh. I hate college. toodles.

Weekend with my Best Friend!

Here we are again, you reading and me blabbing. haha I kind of think of this as a little bit of a diary for me. it is WAY easier to type a bunch of stuff especially when i'm at school all the time. Of course, it won't be as private as my diary, but it will give me a good way to write down all of the stuff i have done and am doing. Let's get this show on the road!!
Dixie State College
This weekend i went down with a bunch of my new BYU friends to Dixie to visit my best friend in the whole entire universe, Jacee Lynn Hardman. We left at 6 on Friday and got down there at about 10. Jacee had told me we were going to a toga party hosted by a bunch of their other friends so when i got there it was greek mania! All the girl were getting all dressed up in their togas and putting on whatever gold they could find. I got there and was rushed into getting ready also. I was excited to go because we never really have randomly themed parties at BYU! I didn't really realise what i was getting myself into until i actually got to the party. There were about 150 people crammed into a 20x10ft space with music blaring and togas flaring. it was NOTHING like byu thats for sure. ahah but it was still a dance party so we had a lot of fun! there were a lot of drunk people all around which was weird cuz i'm never really around that kind of stuff here. The party was fun, but it wasn't what i was used to and i felt QUITE out of place. It was really good to just spend time with Jace though. I realize how much i DO miss her. well ttfn. Toodles!

Yes, i am still alive. :)

Well, I've realized a few different things in the last couple of weeks:

1. I SUCK at blogging. haha
I have my facebook account that I always update pictures on and keep up with people on, but i realized that I don't exactly tell any stories or funny things that happened to me on there, so i swear to be better.

2. i absolutely LOVE living on my own.
I live in Wyview apartments here at BYU with my 2 adorable roommates hilary norton and lyndsie jones. I'm so glad that we decided to room together because we all just kinda click in our own weird ways and we do EVERYTHING together. We know all the same people and just do everything except for shower together (sometimes) :)

3. i am a different person than i was even 1 month ago.
Living here, being here, making all my own decisions, doing (or not doing) my homework, having a calling, having a REAL job and prioritizing my time has made me take a step back and look at myself and realize that i am my own person. Everything that happens and that i do relies on me and what i choose to do in a situation. Its a strange sense of excitement mixed with a dose of anxiety, but it urges me onward. Hello, just call me Arostotle. haha but seriously I feel like adulthood was just kinda thrust upon me and i do have to say i have been handling it well. I've had a few trip ups here and there but i think i'm going to be able to do this whole adulthood thing just fine.

4. i miss my room
i went home today for the first time in about 2 weeks and spent some much needed family time. My family and i have always been pretty close, but during my senior year of high school i got very distanced from them. i was never home thanks to drill, chamber choir, calculus and my boyfriend. But moving out has almost made me closer to them. i miss them now and want to come home more often just to hang out with them! anyways i went home and took a nap in my bed at home and i wasn't sure if i was ever coming back to my apartment. haha there is just something so comforting about being around something packed with so many memories that just attracts you and traps you. I missed the waffle pattern on my bed spread. I missed the panicked eating at dinner, i missed my grandma with her red sparkly hair, i missed my little brother and sister who are living in the center of my parents world, i missed my mom and her funny comments when she tries to fill silence and put things into my mouth when i sleep with it open. I missed my dad with his funny, yet serious presence in the house. and last but not least, i missed my clanky fan that provides the much needed white noise so that i can sleep peacefully.

5. i will always have feelings for him.
No matter how hard i try, or how much my brain and everyone else says i'm crazy, i will always feel some sort of connection to him. An attraction that i can't explain or decipher. and i don't mind it.

i think i'm getting a hold of this blogging thing. :) toodles